Wiggins World!!!: Hope is 1

I'll be honest- I am having a hard time with Hope turning one. It's not that I want another baby. I don't want to be pregnant again (though I always loved feeling them move and dance, knowing that was something special that only I would feel. I even campaigned for awhile to name Hope, Clara, from the Nutcracker, because she danced around so much inside). I don't want to do the recovery again, don't want the anxiousness that comes with pregnancy, and I haven't had a good night's sleep in about 5 years haha. I am just sad we are done having a tiny baby in the house I think. We have been so blessed to have 3 healthy babies, I am just in awe of this fact alone. But knowing she is our last (yes I know God can do anything, but she's our last planned) makes everything more emotional.
A year ago tonight I was sitting in my hospital room holding our brand new, new, new newborn. She was/is perfect, and I can still remember her delivery pretty clearly, and the first night. Jayme and I hadn't told ANYONE our name for her, and we both about fell out when our nurse walked in and said "Hi! I am your nurse for the next 12 hours, and my name...is HOPE." I don't think I'll ever forget that moment. I almost dropped my guard and shouted "That's what this baby's name is!" But I held my tongue, and that made it all the more sweet, after we had bonded all day, to announce after Hope was laid on my chest "Her name is HOPE Juliette!" The room cheered and laughed. It was a really neat moment. I am now friends with nurse Hope on Facebook. She left that day saying it was "one of my all time favorite deliveries, probably the best ever." So thankful for all the amazing labor and delivery nurses I had at this hospital. Who knows how many babies they have delivered since Hope, but for those moments in time, we were all in it together, and it was easy to tell they love their jobs.
Baby Hope and I didn't sleep much that first night, but that was fine with me, because I wanted to soak in every.single.moment of the brand new stage with her. She nursed for what felt like all night, which was painful, but I didn't care. I wanted to hold her all day and all night. It was so neat to see what she looked like, after carrying her around all that time, just wondering what she would come out like.
There is nothing like the weight of a baby just laying on your chest, sleeping, snuggling, content. It will forever be my happiest happy place. I loved holding all three of our kids like that- on the couch, with them on my chest, for hours. It was harder this time around, obviously, which is what made it all the more special when I got to just snuggle with Hope. All those snorty, little piggy baby noises are just so sweet, and so fleeting. The complete and utter innocence that newborns have, and for the first few years too, but also knowing that I grew an entire human (with some help of course :P), in my body, is just unbelievable. Praise the Lord for every little finger, toe, ear hair, nostril, and tushie cheek that was perfectly formed on all the kids. So many, many opportunities for anything to go wrong, but God has it all in control, and it all works together to make a perfect little human. It truly is a miracle.
I know there is so much to look forward to, and we are already loving tball, imaginations, movies in the theater, theme parks, days in the pool, time with extended family, and so much more. The first year is just such a blur, and is such a short period of time in the grand scheme of things. You worry more than you ever have (except maybe while pregnant), and I know as they get older the worries just change to other things, but this little, helpless, squirmy being is utterly dependent on us. It's a huge responsibility, and at the same time, it's nice to be needed. There's nothing like the bubble of having a newborn, for better or worse.
So now, we enter a new stage, arguably a great stage, of no more newborns. It will be wonderful, full of memories, of ups and downs, but it will be different, too. Hope is still nursing, and some days I just want to quit and not ever nurse again, but mostly, it's a special bond that is also fleeting, so I'll hang on to this phase that originated on day one for as long as she wants.
I usually get really annoyed when someone says "Enjoy every moment!" because, really, do I enjoy the moments when I'm nursing and the big kids are screaming at each other, or when they are up in the middle of the night with one complaint or another? No, but I am learning what that means. These years, and especially the first year, goes by so super fast. So I am trying to enjoy the moments, and for now, they are pretty easy to please. "Play with me, Mommy." "Do a heart braid on my hair Mommy," Hope doesn't talk yet, but I usually know what she needs or wants, whether it's Pirates Booty or a nap or to nurse. She has a new cute "poor me" face as well, that is more "give me attention" than hurt. It's nice to be needed. And snuggled, even at 530am (this morning). And to hear "however much you love me Mommy, I love you more" and "I love you really much, Mommy." Be still my heart. It could not get anymore full.
So for now, I'll thank you for reading the ramblings of an emotional mama. And I'll leave you with a few birth pictures from one year ago today.

So much to come...

My love- so thankful for him

Water has been broken, now go walk the halls to make contractions happen.

He dutifully recorded every contraction, and kept me laughing with his usual whit and sarcasm "oh gee that hurt huh?"

More walking with my peeps for 45 minutes, then back into bed to be monitored for 15 minutes. Thankfully I only had to do this a few times before I was ready for my epidural. My epidural was only in for about 20 minutes before go time, and my left side was not numb! I felt a lot on that side, which was super intense and "woman power" at the same time.

That one hurt!

Almost go time- can't wait to meet you baby girl. Only a few minutes left of keeping you safe and warm on the inside.

She's here!

Moment when we told Hope's name- Jayme is pointing to nurse Hope

Getting ready to cut the cord, and officially be a part of the real world. Everyone was really good about giving a lot of time for the cord blood to get into Hope. This helps prevent jaundice, which Hope never even came close to having.

This nurse, Cecil (rhymes with vessel) was my "baby nurse" for all 3 kids, and made it happen this time, despite being the charge nurse now!

One of my faves. She was screaming, and Cecil told him to get close and talk to her. That's some kind of love :).

Midwife Lauren, who delivered all three kids. She came in on her day off, with her son, to deliver Hope. She left her son Lane, with the nurses at the front desk while she did the delivery!